Why “How Was School Today?” Doesn’t Build Confidence and What to Ask Instead
- Lori-Ann Jakel
- Nov 11
- 2 min read
Parents mean well when they ask, “How was school today?”
But let’s be honest. Most kids give the same replies every time:“Good.” “Fine.” “I forget.”
That question has become the fastest way to end a conversation before it begins.
At Stand Up and Speak, we help kids build confidence by expressing their ideas clearly. One of the easiest ways parents can support that growth is by changing the way they ask questions at home.
The Problem Isn’t Kids, It’s the Question
After a long day at school, kids are mentally drained. They have followed directions, listened to lessons, and managed social ups and downs.
When they walk through the door, “How was school?” feels like an essay question without instructions. It is too broad and too open.
Think about it. If someone asked you, “How was your year?” you would probably pause too.
Children need smaller, more specific questions that help them recall moments and feelings. That is how real communication skills develop.
Better Questions Lead to Better Conversations
Here are a few conversation starters that actually get kids talking:
✅ “What made you laugh today?”
✅ “Who did you help, or who helped you?”
✅ “What is something you learned that surprised you?”
✅ “If you could relive one moment from today, what would it be?”
✅ “What is something you are proud of right now?”
Each one invites a story instead of a short reply.
These kinds of questions do more than fill silence. They teach your child how to describe, reflect, and connect. That is exactly what we focus on in our Confidence Builder Courses.
Listen Like a Coach, Not an Interviewer
Once your child starts talking, resist the urge to jump in.Do not correct, finish their sentences, or steer the topic elsewhere.
Instead, listen with intent. Nod. Ask simple follow-ups such as:
“That sounds exciting. What happened next?”
“You handled that really well.”“What did you learn from that?”
Children notice when you are truly listening. It gives them confidence to keep speaking and reminds them their thoughts matter.
Every Conversation Is a Mini Speech Lesson
At home, every chat is a chance to practice public speaking in disguise.
When your child talks about their day, they are learning how to:
Organize ideas
Use tone and emotion
Read an audience (that means you)
This is what we teach on stage, but you can build it every evening at the dinner table.
Confidence does not come from one big moment. It is built through many small conversations that show kids speaking up feels good.
The Power of Curiosity: Ask Deeper Questions than "How was School Today?"
Strong communication begins with curiosity.
Ask questions that invite more than a one-word answer. Listen carefully. Reflect on what you hear. You will be amazed how quickly your child opens up.
These everyday conversations do more than strengthen your relationship. They prepare your child to think clearly, speak confidently, and connect with others.
Ready to Help Your Child Find Their Voice?
Our Confidence Builder Courses are designed for kids and teens ages 5 to 17 to develop lifelong speaking and communication skills in a fun, encouraging environment.
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