Why “How Was School Today?” Doesn’t Build Confidence and What to Ask Instead

Parents mean well when they ask, “How was school today?”

But let’s be honest. Most kids give the same replies every time: “Good.” “Fine.” “I forget.” That question has become the fastest way to end a conversation before it begins.

At Stand Up and Speak, we help kids build confidence by expressing their ideas clearly. One of the easiest ways parents can support that growth is by changing the way they ask questions at home.

A parent walking their kids home from school having a candid conversation

The Problem Isn’t Kids, It’s the Question

After a long day at school, kids are mentally drained. They have followed directions, listened to lessons, and managed social ups and downs. When they walk through the door, “How was school?” feels like an essay question without instructions. It is too broad and too open.

Think about it. If someone asked you, “How was your year?” you would probably pause too. Children need smaller, more specific questions that help them recall moments and feelings. That is how real communication skills develop.

Better Questions Lead to Better Conversations

Here are a few conversation starters that actually get kids talking:

✅ “What made you laugh today?”

✅ “Who did you help, or who helped you?”

✅ “What is something you learned that surprised you?”

✅ “If you could relive one moment from today, what would it be?”

✅ “What is something you are proud of right now?”

Each one invites a story instead of a short reply. These kinds of questions do more than fill silence. They teach your child how to describe, reflect, and connect. That is exactly what we focus on in our Confidence Builder Courses.

Listen Like a Coach, Not an Interviewer

Once your child starts talking, resist the urge to jump in. Do not correct, finish their sentences, or steer the topic elsewhere. Instead, listen with intent. Nod. Ask simple follow-ups such as:

“That sounds exciting. What happened next?”

“You handled that really well. What did you learn from that?”

Children notice when you are truly listening. It gives them confidence to keep speaking and reminds them their thoughts matter.

Every Conversation Is a Mini Speech Lesson

At home, every chat is a chance to practice public speaking in disguise. When your child talks about their day, they are learning how to:

• Organize ideas

• Use tone and emotion

• Read an audience (that means you)

  
  

This is what we teach on stage, but you can build it every evening at the dinner table. Confidence does not come from one big moment. It is built through many small conversations that show kids speaking up feels good.

The Power of Curiosity: Ask Deeper Questions than "How was School Today?"

Strong communication begins with curiosity. Ask questions that invite more than a one-word answer. Listen carefully. Reflect on what you hear. You will be amazed how quickly your child opens up.

These everyday conversations do more than strengthen your relationship. They prepare your child to think clearly, speak confidently, and connect with others.

The Importance of Encouragement

Encouragement plays a vital role in building confidence. When you celebrate your child's efforts, it reinforces their willingness to express themselves. A simple “I love how you shared that!” can make a world of difference.

Create a Safe Space for Expression

Make your home a safe space for your child to express their thoughts and feelings. Let them know that it’s okay to make mistakes. This will encourage them to take risks in their speaking. When they feel safe, they will be more likely to share their ideas.

Practice Makes Perfect

Encourage your child to practice speaking in various settings. Whether it’s sharing a story at dinner or presenting a project, every opportunity counts. The more they practice, the more comfortable they will become.

Celebrate Progress

Celebrate every small victory. Did your child speak up in class? Did they share a funny story? Acknowledge these moments. It reinforces their growth and motivates them to keep going.

Ready to Help Your Child Find Their Voice?

Our Confidence Builder Courses are designed for kids and teens ages 5 to 17 to develop lifelong speaking and communication skills in a fun, encouraging environment.

👉 Explore our Confidence Builder Courses

By fostering open communication at home, you are laying the groundwork for your child's future success. Remember, every conversation is an opportunity. Let’s empower our kids to find their voice and lead!